Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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