I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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