who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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