I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize