Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
