do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
