I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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