That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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