I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
