she was so not down for the gang bang
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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