he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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