the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I got inside last night via doggy door
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
