I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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