my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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