hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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