Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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