i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
