he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
