I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
