even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
