i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
