Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
