So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
