In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
