He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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