my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
