I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
