Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
