I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
