the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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