Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
