I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
