Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize