Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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