It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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