come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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