I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
