I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
