OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
