I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
