THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
