i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
