I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize