So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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