I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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