By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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