don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
