Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
