Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
