I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
