Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize