The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
