My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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