Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Be still, my beating vagina.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
