wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
