Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
