he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's get the cat blown out
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
