that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
