Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
