Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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