im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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