just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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