I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
