Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
