it's not cheating when I paid for it
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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