Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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